Irritation
I have what I call a soft and tender and sweet core. However this is veneered with an irascible exterior. This irascible exterior frequently makes me appear far less reasonable than I actually am. In the mornings, for instance. I am not a morning person. Some people are morning persons. I am not a morning person. I am a nocturnal person. I struggle to wake up. I struggle to get out of bed. I struggle to catch the 08:08 train (and invariably fail). I do not like talking to anyone before I get to the office. I want to be left alone. Actually, no. What I want is to go back to bed, but I have to settle for being left alone, at least until I get to work (late, as I invariably fail to catch the 08:08 train). Hence I am not exactly a ray of sunshine when I get to work. I would like to be bright-eyed, bushy-tailed and full of jollity at the prospect of an impending day at the butt-end of the oil industry like Louise is but irritation is all I can manage.
I am irritated by many things in the morning. Things which are so small and insignificant that being irritated by them irritates me. This morning for instance. Since Angie was not here to inflict Capital Radio upon us, I decided to use the opportunity to play something I actually like rather than merely do not dislike, and put a CD into the machine. Track one was approximately twelve seconds old when Alex informed me that she has a music ban in the mornings and did I mind? She has a music ban in the mornings. Not we. She. This irritated me far more than was even within a short tube ride of reasonable. Firstly because she waited until I had sat down again and had started writing before she piped up. Secondly because she asked me if I minded when whether I minded was neither here nor there. As it happens I did mind and was irked to be asked whether this was the case when even if I had said "Yes, as it happens, I do" instead of "No, do what you want" it would not have made the slightest difference. I hate being offered a choice when there is no choice.
Why does Louise ask if I'd like to do something when she knows perfectly well that I would rather stick needles in my eyes but I know I'm going to have to do it anyway? This just serves to irritate me when I would be perfectly equable if simply told to do it. But then I am not claiming that this is reasonable behaviour. As I said, I am not a morning person. In the afternoon I am different. In the afternoon I think beautiful thoughts (usually about Laura, though not invariably), I am kind to dogs, old ladies and superiors who have attempted to seduce me, and I tell people to bugger off, if no less frequently, then at least more jovially than in the morning. In the afternoon I am in much better humour. In the afternoon I bear a rather closer resemblance to what might conceivably be described as a happy badger.
